Understanding Your Emotions: Definition, Purpose and a 4-Step Method to Regulate Them

Interview conducted by Adrien Cortun, article written by Margaux Damain, podcaster and writer specialising in mental health and science communication.

Summary

In this episode of Sous le tapis, Margaux Damain tackles one of the most paradoxical questions in mental health: everyone knows what an emotion is — until someone asks them to define it. She explores what emotions really are, what purpose they serve, and most importantly, how to learn to regulate them using a concrete 4-step method inspired by the work of psychotherapist Christophe André.

What is an emotion? A simple, practical definition

An emotion is an automatic, psycho-physical and adaptive reaction to a stimulus — internal or external. A bear in the forest, a sunset, a comment at work, a stomachache: anything can trigger one.

Three key characteristics to keep in mind:

• Automatic: an emotion arises no matter what. You may not be aware of it, but it is there.
• Psycho-physical: it blends thoughts and bodily sensations. Fear, for example, makes your hands tremble and your heart race.
• Adaptive: it serves a purpose. In the face of danger, it protects. On a subtler level, it signals that something in your life needs to change.

Margaux shares a striking personal example: it was a friend who, during a trip, told her “you’re anxious, actually.” She had never applied that word to herself. Yet that anxiety — intense, long-present — had been flying completely under her radar.

“It’s mind-blowing to realise that sometimes, very significant parts of ourselves can go completely unnoticed.”

What are our emotions for?

Emotions are not mere reactions: they are compasses. They tell us where to go and where not to go.

Uncomfortable emotions signal that certain needs are under threat. Anger, for example, can indicate a need for consideration, justice or respect. Sadness, a need for connection or repair.

Pleasant emotions, on the other hand, confirm that needs are being met — and they go further. American researcher Barbara Fredrickson shows that positive emotions act as catalysts for resources: they encourage exploration, learning, the building of social bonds, and in doing so strengthen resilience.

Emotions are also a powerful source of energy and a strong driver of action. The challenge lies in acting from the emotion without being overwhelmed by it. Adrien offers a concrete example: during an intense discussion with his partner, he arrived with such emotional force that dialogue became impossible. “My emotion took up so much space that it cut all exchange short.” The emotion was legitimate; the way it was communicated, less so.

Why naming your emotions changes everything

Putting a word to an emotion is to make it exist differently. As Margaux points out, you don’t become anxious the day someone tells you that you are — you already were. But the word allows you to contain, define and act.

To practise this, the emotion wheel by Robert Plutchik (American researcher, 1980s) is a valuable tool. It categorises core emotions and their nuances, and some versions even link each emotion directly to the corresponding needs. Easily found online — and worth printing out and putting somewhere visible at home.

A 4-step method to regulate your emotions

Inspired by the work of Christophe André, French psychotherapist, this method is learned and practised — like a muscle.

1. Feel

Sit down, close your eyes, and ask yourself: what am I feeling, right now, in this moment? Without trying to name it yet — just observe. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Intense or subtle? What sensations are present in the body — tension, lightness, tightness?

2. Name

Put increasingly precise words to what was felt. “I’m not doing well” is not the same as “I feel ashamed”, which is not the same as “I feel guilty”. The more accurate the word, the more nuanced the work that follows can be.

3. Understand the origin

Revisit the situation: what triggered this emotion? In what context? Does it bring other past situations to mind? This step helps distinguish what belongs to the present from what is reactivating something older.

4. Translate into needs

This is the key step. Which needs are being threatened or fulfilled? What could I do to meet them? This translation is what allows you to move from reaction to informed action.

Should you see a psychologist?

Emotional regulation can be practised alone — regularly, like an internal scan. But when faced with emotions that are too intense, too recurring or too hard to understand, seeing a psychologist is a valuable option. Margaux, who has been in psychotherapy herself for eight years, describes it as “an accelerator of self-awareness” — not merely a space for healing, but a space for growth.

“It’s an extraordinary privilege.”

The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel. Because the more in touch with your emotions you are, the more your choices genuinely reflect who you are.

About the Author and Project

This article was written by Margaux Damain, founder of Sous le tapis and a writer specialized in mental health. Margaux relies on scientific studies (systematic reviews and meta-analyses) as well as works by psychiatrists and psychologists to make knowledge about psychological well-being accessible. She transforms expert research into content tailored for the general public. Her goal? To democratize mental health and encourage everyone to practice self-care.

About this article:

This article was written in the context of the Erasmus+ KA210- YOU small-scale partnership project “comPASSION is sexy” (Project Code: 2024- 3- FR02- KA210-YOU-000295806), co-funded by the European Union. The project is a collaboration between Les Philentropes (France) and Olotites (Greece), focused on compassion-based approaches to youth empowerment, inclusion, well-being and mental health awareness.

Funded by the European Union. Views and opinions expressed are, however, those of the author(s) only and do not necessarily reflect those of the European Union or the European Education and Culture Executive Agency (EACEA). Neither the European Union nor the granting authority can be held responsible for them.

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